I kissed a girl (and i liked it)

I saw two women kissing this week. It was amazing.

I was in Paris walking to the metro, next to the rue de la blah blah blah when it happened. I must have looked for all of three seconds but that was enough.

The first second I noticed something in the corner of my eye. Who goes there I thought? The second… second I realized. Oh my days it’s two women kissing.

lalala… la la… barbara streisand

The third second was the best. I got a feeling of elation and unbridled joy. All of a sudden I knew what the Beatles meant in their song ‘yesterday my troubles seemed so far away.’ Right then my troubles did seem so far away.

I felt like clasping my hands together and saying ‘shalom’ to every commuter exiting Saint Michel metro station.

I felt a firework of elation. I could have done the moonwalk right there and then, down the rue de la blah blah blah. I hadn’t packed my sequined glove but that didn’t matter because I still had the distinct laugh. teeheehee.

In those three seconds after the two women kissed at the rue de la blah blah blah… a happy tune popped into my head. It was very funky so I danced. I didn’t know the words but every thirty seconds I would go ‘Barbara Streisand.’

tell me more

I took my blackberry from its case and telephoned a female friend. I had to pass on the incredible news. I was so happy my voice was high pitched ‘Guess what I just saw two women kissing at the rue de la blah blah blah.’

I had presumed she would be as static as I was, who wouldn’t be. She didn’t appear to share my enthusiasm. Quite confusingly she said ‘Gosh, men are pathetic’.

I wanted her to have peace so I quickly said ‘shalom’ then I phoned a male friend. He was very happy to hear my great news. He said and I quote, ‘I was just about to fill in my tax return but this is far more important. Tell me more.

He seemed excited. However I don’t think he was as excited as me though because he didn’t say ‘Barbara Streisand’ even once’.

Although we are two very tough men we giggled like two little girls. We giggled like two big girls. I suppose we giggled like the two girls did… as they kissed near the rue de la blah blah blah in Paris.

This is all Katy Perry’s fault. Katy Perry has an incredible song called I kissed a girl and I liked it. Well Katie so do we. Guys everywhere. We love your song.

In clubs everywhere when Katy’s song is played it doesn’t tend to affect the women. Women are infinitely more mature than ‘pathetic’ men. They have so much balance and drive and maturity when it comes to this.

multi-tasking

The women can blissfully dance, flippantly waving their arms, legs, hips and hair… side to side unaffected by the beautiful lyrics ‘I kissed a girl and I liked it’.

When this song comes on ‘I kissed a girl and I liked it’ Guys on the other hand tend to have a confused look on their face. On the dance floor the guys stop mid-moonwalk. They are pondering the lyrics so much.

That, together with their lack of multitasking skills means they cannot think and dance at the same time. This song doesn’t just affect guys in clubs. It affects men everywhere.

Guys on the underground listening to their Ipod going back home to their windmill in Queens Park, London always miss their stop.  They are so busy concentrating on the lyrics and they have a confused look on their face.

When radio DJ Chris Moyles plays that song on the radio, ‘I kissed a girl and I liked it’ guys driving their cars or hopping on their Pogo sticks have to pull over. They have that same confused look on their face too.

alloalloallo

If a police man pulls him over ‘alloalloallo, why have you stopped pogo…ing young man?’ The bobby immediately hears the beautiful lyrics that Katy is singing. ‘i kissed a girl and i liked it’

Then policeman and pogo stick driver would stop and listen both with that confused look on their faces.

Katy Perry the reason that song makes guys face furrow and limit us to the single task of standing on the spot is because. WE WANT DETAILS.

Katy, why on earth would you vaguely tell us you kissed a girl and she liked it? The questions all men have but only I am brave enough to ask are as follows:

This girl you kissed what was her name? what colour was her hair? Was she foreign and exotic? Did she kiss you back?  Did she like it? How do you know she liked it? Could you just tell? Was she from London? The most beautiful girl comes from London you see.

I’m still standing at the rue de la blah blah blah by the way. I haven’t gone done the steps of saint Michel metro station quite yet.

je ne regretterien

It is incredible that two girls kiss and it changes the dynamics of a guy’s day. It sometimes changes the dynamics of a man’s entire blog, which as of last week up to this point was getting upwards of nine thousand readers each week (thanks by the way) .

for those expecting something more profound from me this week I have no regrets. I am Edith Piaf. ‘non, rien de rien. Non, je ne regretterien.’

If I were in charge of the news I would make sure this was mentioned. ‘Our main story tonight in the six o clock news, Two women were spotted smooching at the rue de la blah blah blah, Paris.  Nigel Page and Justine Laycock who won 56 million on the euro millions lottery would phone me.

Hi m to the izzo… we saw your story on the news. We must be the three luckiest people on earth. I would agree. The three of us were so lucky.

Them because they won all that money and me because I saw two women kiss in Paris near the rue de la blah blah blah. Mr Page would phone again the next day and say ‘actually mo… you are more lucky.’

I would nod my head and sing just two words in response ‘Barbara Streisand.’ Then I would hang up.

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